just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
