I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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