I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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