I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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