Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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