So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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