She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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