Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
