actually, I'm a sock model
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
