It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
