i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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