I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
