is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
