There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
