The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
