can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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