Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
