rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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