mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
