Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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