I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I understand Curling. That high.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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