I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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