YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
