R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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