I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
