Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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