how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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