when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
