u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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