Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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