u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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