My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
