I think i sorta joined a cult last night
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
