the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
