When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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