Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize