I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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