Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
