He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
