Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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