i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
