You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
