he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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