Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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