Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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