I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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