I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
