i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I pour the whiskey from now on
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
