get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
