Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
