I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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