White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize