Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
