wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
