Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
