Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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