Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
