I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
