this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
