I am puke
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
