I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
