Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
