I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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