she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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