What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
