where am i from again
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
