You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
