You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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