I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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