OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
