apparently the secret to your success is patron
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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