gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
