I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
3 2 1 whiskey
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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